I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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