So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
