Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Porn is love you can see.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
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