I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
