Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
