shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
