Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Randomize
