ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
