ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
