So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
