we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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