Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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