This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
