Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
