so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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