I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
