Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
