Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
