I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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