Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
