I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
