Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Found the puke drawer
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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