nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize