omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
