You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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