I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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