just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
