I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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