just tell him i said nine months
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
