sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
