so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize