I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize