if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
