I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
