best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
