I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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