I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
