i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Im part way to drunk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
