I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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