Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
