zippers are such a cool invention
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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