i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
