The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
