Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize