Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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