His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
