y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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