took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
