His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize