dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Randomize
