i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
