Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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