Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
