I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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