i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
