My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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