she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
