Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize