i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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