yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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