I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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