Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize