So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
