i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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