no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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