Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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